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This post is dedicated to Dallas. May he forever spell poorly and only use punctuation as an afterthought and incorrectly at that.
Hi Merci! Enjoy the Britney~
Any mistakes made by me in this post are the responsibility of Merci as she is my editor!
Love always, Boo ~
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Every 6 months or so I take some time and go through all the old apps to Club Fu and take out what I consider the fun stuff. The... what the fuck were you thinking?... bits and post them here for everyone.
All names have been removed as have all guild affiliations save those of Club Fu itself.
It never ceases to amaze me how little effort most people put into their applications. The difference between getting praised and getting verbally raped often boils down to the ability or inability of a given applicant's use of capitalization. First impressions mean a lot, even if they don't actually speak for your skill in the game. And even a non-native speaker knows that it's "I" not "i"... so come on, at least try.
I apologize in advance if you got plucked out of the mix and you are a non-native English speaker. I'm usually pretty good at picking those people out and not using them in these posts. Writing in your own language can be difficult enough and in another language... forget about it.
You will find all applicant text in yellow, all Club Fu guild members text in light blue and my two cents will be in white. Everything found here other than my own comments of course are copy pasted out of the App Forum for Club Fu.
So keeping that in mind here we go!
Enjoy the ride and hold on. It's going to be a bumpy one.
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Distant Thunder I left the first time because I was looking to progress through SoF expansion.
The first time? Did you leave, get your progression from some other guild then go back? Will you now progress with Fu and then go back again?
Seems like a Freudian Slip to me.
Did you know, Freud loved his mother.
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In response to an app parsing a mind-staggering 85 dps...
--- DMG: 10085 (0.25%) @ 85 dps (45 sdps)
i literally think i can do this with kicks..........
I could probably lick the monitor and do more than 85 dps.
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(will have soon switch char. from a ranger to rogue working to finish all flags and augs soon as possible)
This isn't even out of context. It's pure confusion from start to finish. I'm sitting here reading it over and over trying to figure out what this person was trying to say and, well... I don't know.
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Computer Specs:
Inte Duo CPU 3.00 GHZ
True, this is only a single letter off and clearly a simple typo, but I decided to google "Inte" and this is what I came up with. I like the beat but the lyrics are really... really bizarre.
This translates to, "Everyone who doesn't dance is a rapist." Or thereabouts.
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Play Schedule:
I normal play from 7 PM EST to 12 PM EST
Sunday to Thrus
So what you are saying is, you play Everquest 17 hours a day, Sunday through "Thrusday" which as you all know is the day after Fringday and the day just before Staturday.
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What I can offer Club Fu:
I have a lots of skill in my class and have been raiding for the past 7 years. I always trying to inmpove my play to maximum my dps to be top dps in the guild.
I always wondered where skill was stored. I should "inmpove my play" so that one day I too can be top dps in the guild.
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After a modicum of drama in this app thread, and by modicum I mean a veritable cornucopia of drama over their dps and weapons, someone comes and saves the day by defending the app.
(App name deleted) is a good player, and a very smart one. I have 100% confidence once he's geared up he will be top 5 dps in the guild. Feel free to quote this thread down the road Smile .
Followed by a naysayer!
He'll never be top 5. Mark it.
Consider it quoted and marked.
I'm sure you are all wondering the outcome of this... No, they never did make top 5.
Careful asking for something to be quoted down the road... I'm quite good at it.
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This particular app gets the Soul Train of Apps Season 5 Award of Unexcellenceness in Appitudinal Failocity.
What I can offer Club Fu:
well-honestly-im not that good. Im just a group geared bard with not that many clickies or rk3. I just get by really. But i do I always try my best. i cant offer much really except offer the best bard i can be the way i am.
You are apping to the #1 guild on the server for 6 years running and the first words that roll off your fingertips are "well-honestly-im not that good". Unless the next words you type are, "Nevermind, I just realized I suck. I will leave now.", you are are wasting your time and ours.
From the same applicant...
Actual playtime 8-18 hours avg a day
"Actual" playtime. 8-18 hours "avg" a day... Isn't language fun? actual: adjective ~ existing in act or fact; so basically it's saying you are are logged on more than 8-18 hours per day, while some of that time is spent online not "actually" playing per se. Now we toss into the ring the word, average: noun ~ a quantity, rating, or the like that represents or approximates an arithmetic mean; in order to have an average of 8-18 hours you would have to have an "actual" playtime of minimum 8-18 hours per day 7 days a week 365 days a year and 366 on a leap year... dude get a life.
I over-analyzed that one a smidgen maybe. I love English.
Still from the same applicant...
Final Comments:
If you made it this far i just wanted to say thank you for your time
You sir, are not welcome.
Then in response... these posts just ice this beauty of an application.
Ran an open Vox raid and locked the loot at the end, ninjaing it all for himself. Def winner.
I agree, definitely a winner. But wait, there is more.
I was in a group today and people were warning me to stay away from (app name deleted), casue he would sit on the chest at the end of a Classic MM , boot everyone from task, the take the loot for himself.
Seriously... winner. Where do they pick up their trophy?
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Award for the most lackluster lazy application of this season goes to this guy.
where is Flippety for the all-time shittiest app add to his list ....
I'm right here, babe.
Seeds of Destruction Progression:
void e
Secrets of Faydwer Progression:
mmm , cry
I'm going to assume that MMM followed by the word "cry" is your way of saying you don't have that key.
Guilds:
(guild deleted)
Computer Specs:
core 2 duo
Play Schedule:
4-10
What I can offer Club Fu:
tankage when im good enough =P
You will be a tank when you are good enough, but in the meantime you are just going to be a doorstop that does about as much dps as the previous 85 dps app. Hope you lick monitors and kick really well so you at least break 255, my buckets do more than that.
Final Comments:
ill update magelo soon.
I hope so, seeing as you last updated it FOURTEEN MONTHS AGO! (See below)
im 31k hp 4800ac buffed atm
thank you for your time
i had tripple his aa and more hp/ac when i apped 2 years ago.
This one may take the prize for Most Half-Assed App ever.
Magelo last updated 14 months ago.
Next.
Not the most half-ass post ever... but may be a top 5.
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What I can offer Club Fu:
dps, its what I do, its what I know and im really good at it! I used to hate Fu, more so b/c it was the compeating guild =) but after talking to some Fu members and really getting some insite. sounds like theres a TON less Drama then (guild deleted) and MOST of all, people are expected to preform daily, not just when they feel like it
Fuck classes we need, is there any chance we'll ever see an app that DOESN'T have a spelling mistake?
Man, what a mess. Let's highlight the fun bits.
dps, its what I do, its what I know and im really good at it! I used to hate Fu, more so b/c it was the compeating guild =) but after talking to some Fu members and really getting some insite. sounds like theres a TON less Drama then (guild deleted) and MOST of all, people are expected to preform daily, not just when they feel like it
There is more than that, but you get the picture.
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Final Comments:
i'm a slower typer lmao
Perhaps you would type faster if you didn't insert extra letters... hmmm?
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(App name deleted) - 13
--- Ancestral Obligation Rk. II - 4
--- Cannibalization - 1
--- Champion - 2
--- Shadow of Renewal Rk. II - 1
--- Spirit Call - 1
--- Talisman of the Lynx Rk. III - 2
--- Turgur's Swarm - 1
--- Unity of the Spirits Rk. II - 1
in that long ass fight he only casted lynx 2 times....only 13 casts all together....wtf....did he crawl out from under a rock or something, he must be one of those nice AFK players who stay tabbed out 90% of the time and then go OH YAH i am raiding
There is no hiding that this is a shaman app and apparently a very lazy one. Come on, seriously? I saw the rest of this parse and most other casters, including shaman averaged 75 casts. Hell, I would cast that many Ancestral Obligations in the 2 min prior to the fight, with full mana. Let's not even mention the part where they don't cast any dots or nukes at all... oops, already did.
P.S... The past tense of "cast" is cast... not casted... which isn't a word at all.
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What I can offer Club Fu:
I have been attending any raid with any guild I can, not for loot, but this game bores me as I have very little that needs to be done. On that note, I can offer to be at every last raid fathomable.
OK, 1. You are bored with the game. It's time you left then, not apped with a raiding guild.
2. As indicated in your app you have very little that needs to be done, yet right away we see you are not flagged to the end of Void and you don't have a Crystallos flag. Don't make me look at your Magelo and point out all the other stuff you are missing.
Seeds of Destruction Progression:
Void E
Crystallos Raid --- not keyed
I am quick to aggro multiple adds if needed, with damage, no damage spells or tactics.
This sentence basically plays out like this... "I run about willy-nilly waving my arms and randomly hitting whatever comes near me." Key words here being "no damage spells or tactics."
I hold my aggro and can take or loose aggro as needed in situations.
This sentence made me laugh for two reasons. 1. Isn't everything a situation no matter how benign? situation: noun; the state of affairs; combination of circumstances. 2. How does one go about making aggro "loose" as opposed to "lose", which is entirely different.
Everybody cut foot loose? Kick off your Sunday shoes?
The someone in Fu replies to this app as follows. Made funnier by them clearly not catching the spelling error of "loose".
Tanks very well. Holds aggro very tightly. Knows his class.
Everybody cut foot tight, Kick off your Staturday (sic) shoes.
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They're fucking douchebag assclowns.
Sometimes the insults catch me off guard and give me a nice chuckle. Like this one.
Sounds like they will fit in just fine.
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About the only requirement for a cleric to make it into fu is a pulse. Unfortunately I don't think this cleric has one.
That's probably true for most guilds, not just Club Fu.
And speaking of clerics, where can I get a proc to put in my shield so I can bash with it? /nod
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She's got the attention span of a retarded chihuahua.
Are you trying to say that the inbred hyperactive Downs Syndrome of the animal kingdom comes in a NON-retarded version?
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He sent me tells the other day, out of the blue, and addressed me as bro. I am, in fact, not his bro so I ignored the tells.
That's pretty much how it goes with me too. I am neither your bro, nor am I your hun. As my hot key used to say, "I am not a member of a nomadic and warlike Asian people who devastated or controlled large parts of eastern and central Europe and who exercised their greatest power under Attila in the 5th century a.d. and my mother was not your mother. Thanks for playing though."
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if I had one "no vote" per lifetime, I would use it on him.
Tell us what you really think about them.
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If youre a fucking retarded
I have always loved the word "retarded", especially because 90% of the people who use it don't manage spelling it correctly or using it in it's proper tense. Thus causing my Irony Klaxon (TM) to go off.
Helpful hint #284: If you are going to call someone else dumb, stupid, retarded or anything similar, make sure you spell check and grammar check it before hitting the submit button.
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i know my class and how to play my class. i can heal till i am oom or dead (dead usally comes first)
You know your class AND how to play your class. Good for you. As for being able to heal till your are out of mana or dead... pretty much anyone with a heal spell can do that. Are you related to the breed of canine known as a Chihuahua?
Computer Specs:
ran by a hamster
Ran being the past tense of run... I must ask, what powers your computer now? Or were you trying to convey that your computer jogged by a hamster?
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 AsA
In response to an application someone writes...
ROFL w r u aa ? i know alts with more aa than this omg
Then in response to that...
Where are your words? Sad.... where is Valcrist when I need him to help me out here!
I will let Valcrist know of this affront posthaste!
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From one of my favorite people in Club Fu. In this quote they are talking about another guildie's defense for an applicant.
Occasionaly it's neccesary for the Magic 8-ball to be brought out in those tough app situations where a consencus just can't be reached as we see here where one person defends them and others deride them.
Well, since we have such contention on this app, I had better consult the expert. Magic 8 ball says:
"My sources say no" Bummer, that. Sorry (fu guildie name deleted) . In light of your heartfelt, caps-less, punctuation-less, internet-spoken paean to the glory that is (app named deleted) , it just isn't going to work out. After all, the magic 8 ball has as much authority on these matters as anything else said in this, or any, app thread.
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Final Comments:
If Im accepted u will see me at the raids at every opportunity.I miss it alot and I want the challenge again.Im friendly to guildees and like to help out alot.
All I have to say is... at raids, at every opportunity, miss it alot, help out alot and friendly to guildees, but then I guess a douche to everyone else. And for the record, "alot" is two words.
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There you have it folks. The end to Chapter 5 in the Soul Train of Apps.
Hope you had as many laughs reading these as I did.
Till part 6 comes... Love to 86% of you 45% of the time. This has a +- error factor of 12.5%
Flippety ~ Beating Voodoman with a puppy named Canuck and a country where 97.3% of its population lives in igloos no less than 1 kilometer from the American border for the day when they invade... so you don't have to. |
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